Boutique Obsession

This weekend I went to visit another small town a few small towns over.  My visit was mainly because of the river that runs through it.  I am river obsessed normally but never more so than in August in deeeeep South Texas.  As river obsessed as I am, I am equally as boutique obsessed and this small town unlike my small town has a main street straight out of an old-timey western filled with adorable shops, bars, restaurants.

If there was one place on earth that personified me…this place would be it.  Natural beauty, girly frills, and live music.

When I was a kid and we came here I found the boutiques so intriguing with their beautifully crafted displays and pretty paper bags being carried down the main street.  We were always coming through town on our way somewhere else and we never had enough time to stop and look around.  Instead I had to imagine what getting to go inside those shops must be like, the smiling faces of the people walking out of their doors fueled my imagination. The thresholds must be a portal to a better place where they left the dusty little town behind and entered a land of magical twinkling lights, pretty displays and sweet smelling aromas.

When I started coming back to visit this little town as an adult, the boutiques were my main goal in coming.  I inhaled deeply upon entering each one, taking in the rich scents of leather and scented candles.  I took in each display in my own time, enjoying the experience thoroughly.  Each bag filled with my finds was a present to my inner child who had too many times been denied.

I was predisposed to retail.  I was raised in a store.  Not a boutique, no fanciness, no frill–just well stocked displays, clean shelves filled with perfunctory items and fresh cut meat.  My grandparents owned the town grocery store.  In our store, the shopping carts served dually as not only shopping carts but also as play pens.  The aisles were our playground, the customers part of our family.

I sat in the little office with my Grandpa when he ordered from suppliers, I sat at the table with my Grandma as she kept the books, I helped price and stack cans–these were my child’s play.  The day I mastered that pricing gun I’d watched my Grandpa wield my entire life–you know the kind with the peel off sticker tape and the adjustable dial numbers–was one of the proudest days of my life.

Ever since then I’ve dreamed of my very own shop.  While my grandfather was a true retail man with his enticing displays…he was a man.  In the version of the store in my mind the shelves would be lined with bunting and racks would hold gorgeous home decor, barrels lined with festive linens would be filled with dazzling items, there would be frill and beauty in every direction.

I’ve heard it said that doubts are what keep us from realizing our dreams.

While I would be possibly the happiest version of myself running my own boutique, I have always had more doubts than faith.

I don’t feel like my small town would support a boutique.  I’ve seen so many, many things come and go throughout my time here. The town’s average income is well below poverty.  Then there’s Amazon driving a stake through the heart of brick and mortar stores.  It seems like each day brings news of another major retailer shutting it’s doors.

Then there’s the little town I visited this weekend.  I can say without doubt that there are only a few retail establishments that have stood the test of time there, a couple of bars and one restaurant.  In just the last few years, I’ve seen so many adorable boutiques come and go, only a handful are able to hold on for more than a year.  And this town unlike mine…it has wow factor, it has tourists, it hosts Harley Davidson festivals and a farmer’s market and live music.  My little town has none of those things.

As I talked with the lady helping me check out at the only boutique I was able to get into this weekend, I found myself fighting the urge to ask her all the questions floating around in my head.  How is business?  Are you able to make a living?  Do you like it?  What got you into it?  Do you enjoy the lifestyle? What are your regrets?  And on and on.  Surely she wouldn’t appreciate these questions, she was nice but you could tell she was a bit grizzled.  Instead I bit my tongue and made assumptions.  Obviously business wasn’t going that great.

I knew this woman to be the owner of the store, she’d introduced herself as such during a previous visit.  I’d bought expensive things from her store like I was doing today before–most notably a black sarong style dress 2 years earlier that was still hanging in my closet with the tags on it.  This very style dress was currently on a mannequin in her display window.

She did a good job merchandising this stock I knew to be old so that it didn’t seem that way, I doubt anyone else would have caught it…it just so happened that very dress mocked me often with it’s price tags still on it taking up real estate in my closet.   The store overall was clean, with interesting displays, creative, artisan crafted display cases, well accessorized outfits, a few home furnishings, a small but well stocked men’s section but as far as her inventory went…it was pricey and it  hadn’t changed much in years.

I was the only person in the store except for her though the sidewalk of the little town was filled with people.

Still, whatever her answers to those questions might have been…I would love to be in her shoes.  That’s probably why I didn’t ask.  I already know too well that a boutique is a bad idea and I didn’t think hearing it from someone who ran one was something my heart could take.  I wanted to believe she was doing well.  I voted for her survival with my dollars every chance I got.  I wanted her to flourish just so that she could prove it’s even possible anymore.

Shopping was what I did with my mom most weekends.  My mom was a different person when we went shopping.  She worked a lot, she commuted a long distance and what was left of her afterwards wasn’t much and what we did get was a short tempered and mean.  Except on weekends.  On weekends we would get up and drive the hour drive into town and she’d take us shopping.  Without her saying so, this was her way of making up with us for the slights and abuses we incurred during the week.  She smiled, she was relaxed and we had fun.

Now that I, and everyone else Amazons whatever they need I don’t think that anyone realizes quite what we’ve lost.   We’ve lost the experience.  I think one day that will be missed.  I would much rather go boutique shopping than Amazon stuff I wear even if it cost more.

My kids do not share my opinion of shopping.  Teenaged children would rather go without than go shopping for new things even when I’m willing to literally buy them whatever they want.  They tell me I am a dinosaur for even asking.  I’ve been told this enough times that it’s sunk in.  Instead they just text me links to the things they want, I click on the link and two days later whatever it is they wanted is sitting on my doorstep. Without us ever having had said a word to each other, without us spending any time together.

If my dream wasn’t meant to be why would I keep having it so persistently for all my life?

They say that you should do what you love, do what you’d do even if it didn’t pay.  For me that’s a boutique…well that and writing. Unfortunately for me at the present time the doubts outweigh the force, hopefully that won’t always be and one day I get my beautiful little shop.

xoxo,

Juls

 

Why making it all about you is most of your problem.

This is tough.

I am a recovering narcissist.  I get to say ‘recovering’ because I realize that I’ve been selfish and self-centered and I try to do better.  There are lots of people who don’t.

While doing some work on myself recently on getting unstuck, I was guided to this incredible point.  Twice.  In one day.  Two of the people I admire most brought this to my attention.

In my beloved Thursday email from the incredible Mel Robbins, she says this on the topic of friendship:

It’s all about how other people feel about themselves when they‘re around you. If you make people feel like they matter, you’re genuinely interested, and you cheer the loudest for everyone else, then you’ll be loved. It’s truly that simple.–Mel Robbins

Taking the time and energy to worry about how you make others feel–especially when you grapple with something as monumental as narcissism is tough.  Consideration of others takes practice, time, commitment and perseverance.

As someone who is looking to find ways to open herself up and grow–I’m interested in anything that can help me exercise qualities pertinent to my goals.  It just so happens that improving my social life is one of those goals.

It turns out that putting others first is not only pertinent to my goal of improving my social life but also in creating a business based around my talents and passions which is another of my goals.

Each morning I go through a daily checklist of the things that I want and need to do for the day.  This list includes things like blogging and drinking enough water, it also includes checking out a new podcast on something that I find interesting.

Today I chose a podcast that I’d heard of a few times called Unmistakable Creative.  I’d become interested in this podcast because they have interviewed something like 700 successful people.  For me, getting to be influenced by a successful person living in flow without any intimidation is magical.  I ended up choosing one that was an interview of Beate Chelette–a famous entrepreneurial motivational author and speaker that I’ve admired for quite some time.

Little did I know that this podcast I’d chosen quite at random was about to tell me basically the very same thing that Mel Robbins had emailed that morning.

Beate Chelette said on her interview with Unmistakable Creative, “We are remembered by how other people remember us.  We live only through the memories of the people who we touched.  So if we didn’t touch anybody, but we have a really big bank account, we’re not really remembered.  But if we are remembered, people say “when I listened to what you said, when I saw what you created, when I read what you wrote, when I got my treatment from you…this is how you made me feel…and that creates an emotional bond”.

Today’s tiny step in the right direction is to work on the experiences I have with those I interact with today.  To consider what it is that they’ll take away from that experience and to try to make that the best interaction I can each and every time.  By focusing on doing this as well as I can, I’m hoping that it will become something that is second nature.

Here’s to the quality of the interactions we have with one another, to building better and stronger relationships with others and ourselves.

xoxo,

J